If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Randomize
