I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
