whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
