considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
