i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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