I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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