he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
