i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
