last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
