Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
