He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
