I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Randomize
