Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
PS: I just woke up from my shower
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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