I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
