I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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