Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
