It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
