He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
