We need to rekindle our bromance
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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