she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I can't trust your balls anymore.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
