There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Randomize
