Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
