I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
