I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
