Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
