We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
