Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
