i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
