So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
