Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
