Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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