Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
