i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
