Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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