I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
