come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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