I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
