I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I can't put those talents on a resume
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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