call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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