Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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