This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Couch. On fire.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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