I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
