Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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