it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
