Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
