38 yer olds are good kisserssss
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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