i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
