Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
