4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
