id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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